I’ve Tried Everything To Get Rid Of My Stretch Marks

by Mik Everett

I’ve tried everything to get rid of my stretch marks.
I’ve tried cocoa butter and cocoanut oil.
I’ve tried cocoa butter body oil and cocoa butter tummy rub.
I’ve tried Mederma. I’ve tried Mederma SPF. 
I tried Mederma for Stretch Marks and I used it for so long that its smell started to make me nauseous. 
I rubbed baby oil on my belly the whole time I was pregnant, before I found out that petroleum is really bad for you & when you shower it goes down the drain and into the groundwater & destroys the earth from the inside out so the dirt becomes inhospitable to life & it washes out into oceans and kills coral reefs. I rubbed baby oil on my belly before I learned that 60% of what you put on your skin absorbs into your blood stream within 30 seconds and petroleum can cross the placental barrier and that’s really bad for your baby and I was poisoning my little baby girl who will grow up to have stretch marks some day.
I’ve tried almond oil.
I’ve tried apricot kernel oil.
I’ve tried avocado oil.
I’ve tried shea butter and shea oil. 
I’ve tried tamanu oil.
I’ve tried argan oil.
I’ve tried kukui nut butter.
I’ve tried Egyptian Magic, which sources say “Madonna never leaves the house without it!”
I’ve tried Trilogy 100% pure rose hip oil from New Zealand, which is what Kate Middleton used while she was pregnant. I don’t know if she used it on her stretch marks because I don’t know if princesses get stretch marks. 
But I have not tried just not hating my stretch marks.

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