Potato Head

by Ry Irene

If I could be any toy in the world
I’d be Potato Head
The original Potato Head was just plastic body parts to shove into an actual vegetable
There have been some changes since the original 1952 release
I too, have undergone some changes since my 1992 release
I can’t think of a better toy for a Transgender Irish kid to be than this
Fisher-Price introduces Mx. Potatohead

Changing clothes to express my identity that day would be so much easier
No more worrying about packers or binders
No push up bras or Spanx
Just blue shoes, black shoes, or orange feet
Just the bowler hat with or without the flower

I could trade out Venus hips for an Adonis belt on a whim
Try on a strong jawline
Then go back to heart shaped
Switch out doll eyes for sharp ones whenever I feel like it

Unfortunately my dick would still be plastic
But it would still be hot pink
And still bigger than yours
I’d have breasts that I can wear for sex or when I want to feel wanted
Then when I need to feel safe
To stop being read as woman, as object, as target
I could put them in a drawer and not have this reminder shoved up under my chin

Every time I’d detach a piece of myself
Like wearing a skirt the first time I have dinner with his family
Like picking and choosing which professors I tell my pronouns to
Every time I make myself digestible
I collapse inward

When I make myself into what I want to be
When I say fuck your gender expectations
When I realize I’m still boi in short shorts and eyeshadow
I become whole

But that’s not what toys do
Toys don’t get to control this
I don’t get to control this

I can push my chest flat
Hold my body boy
But people don’t get past doll eyes
Don’t get past this hardened ideal of gender

My parents still call me by my birth name
I’m still afraid that his mother will never accept me since I will never be her daughter in-law
I am seen as predator if I just want to take a piss in a public restroom

I’m just plastic play thing
People take out the pieces they don’t like
And don’t see the holes left behind

But see, I didn’t choose this gender
This body
But I would choose to be a Potato Head
Because I choose joy
I enjoy making people question their sexuality because I look hot as hell in a tie
I love that my partner offered to buy me a new binder
My favorite joke will always be that I don’t have to pay attention when someone starts a speech with “Ladies and gentlemen!”

I’d choose to be a Potato Head
Just like I choose to love myself
And honestly, if you don’t like it
I hope you’re a Potato Head too
So I can take my giant plastic shoes
And shove them up your ass

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