You Waste More Time Watching Maury Than My Brother Wastes Money on Oxycodone and Cigarettes

by Ryan Scott Fallon

you are every last payday loan scheme that airs on WGN
right around when the peak number of daytime viewers mostly consist of permanently disabled invalids:
but shit, even my brother
   has an intrinsic Devry University commercial resounding in his collapsed veins:
and it’s resounding:
   Stand Up, And Consume Something!

cut through to the broadcasts castigating every dreadlocked teenager living on the South Side or that house fire that engulfed a family in Naperville

and all you want is Maury Povich

strung out on Maury Povich’s perennial smirk and your own fleeting sense of security

no, they don’t fund clinics for your type

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