how to stand up

by catch business

i’m about to tell you what to do 
i don’t mean to second guess 
expressions only antagonize 
the no longer uninformed 
and always deconstructed 
i define feelings but i don’t mean to 
scare you like you scare me 
now there are two of us 
on this sweat soaked chair 
i keep leaning forward 
heavy handed and too heady 
to stand up on my own 
when you say 
she suffers from A Cute Depression 
i consider Your Intentions 
i never recognized 
my skill sets on my own 
performing under the pressure 
of the Same Old Scenery 
let me submit to you 
let me be the way you want 
let me find a comfortable position 
for this bent neck to rest 
pretending not to hear 
sounds other people make 
little sirens moving oceans 
assuring i’m safe 
if you only knew how hard 
i made it for my self conscious 
insecurities as a meltdown 
under the sun’s orbit tone 
i muted to say you still love her 
i can’t find a way to love my self 
i can only find these words 
i don’t think i’m going to give 
because this is not a love poem 
this is the way we look at each other 
when neither of us know 
how to stop shouting

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