girl

by torin audoire

girl is the mouth on my neck kissing / down my collarbone / girl is the forest of my heart wailing / like a metronome / like a bomb / like bad timing / girl is the mountain i am climbing / girl is when i say i have already crossed it / girl is the stream in my back yard in the frosted / winter / where i wrote poems / on paper boats / girl is me eating breakfast and crying / girl is me saying no and him saying yes / girl is me saying no and her saying okay / girl is the crucifix / on my bending back / my questioning spine / my rolling hips / girl is the spit on my hands / girl is the things in my heart i am trying to fight free from / girl says come home / i say no / girl says go to sleep / i say stay awake / girl says bleed for it / i say heal from it / girl coughs me up from her throat / from her chest / from my home in her stomach / and says / what’s wrong / i say / i am leaving this body / right now / girl is the stains on my table where i spilled coffee / girl is her hands in a cradle around me / where i can’t fight / where i can’t run / girl is the fingers / the loaded gun / the way my ribs hurt / girl is the saliva of a long day / licking its lips / girl is left and right and forward when i run / girl is behind when i turn / girl is the clouds of a clear day / girl is obscure and obscuring / girl is abjured and abjuring / girl is the season turning / and i am the next / the new / the old / i am the rush and the wind and the fold / of creased fabric / girl is someone else’s old habit / i am trying to break / girl held me / and i said / let go

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