by Angie Sijun Lou
remember a long time ago / i said i was ready to love someone for real / i knew i was lying just to keep you / in me / i wanted you to think that / under my snake brain / a little rabbit heart was still beating / maybe / numb & bitter / my girl tears / your mirror shards / our cruelty / little pieces of trash / i kept in my underwear drawer / * /
i’ve been thinking about that time in the summer / when you came / over / & i saw god in the sun / crippling in pixels / all over my sheets / in the shower i told you everything / & you thought it was so weird / i’m filling your empty form / but it’s so shallow that it’s spilling out? / the taste of water / the taste of nightsaliva / but i thought god was in you / & you were in me / ** /
when the sun rose last night / all the ferns turned black / & i thought i was in a CR-ROM about the jurassic era / when my mother gave birth to me / she didn’t take painkillers / in case they would hurt / my baby brain / i think that’s why she loved me / cause i lived inside her / **** /
i keep having this drunk dream / about the acne growing on your cheeks / like tiny flower buds oozing with pus / i want to drive around the suburbs in circles / with you / i want you to look at me / the way you look at your computer screen / in my dreams i am / your moonburnt skin / your first day of school / stripping for you over skype / *** /
it’s hard to write this / without vomiting on the train / the last time i saw you / you held onto my bad arm / does it hurt when i fuckyoulikethis? / i could hear frank ocean from across the hall / rain glitter / so i cried & bit down on your finger / i may be younger / but i look after you / tears cum / by now you must know what you are / love of my life so far / ***** /