by Dan Hogan
i like you because we’re full of the same celebrities
at the next station the doors will open on the right hand side
and celebrities will be released into the carriage
*bleats like a goat*
that’s right
this goat loves to sing
i like you because of the national anthem
but only if the lyrics to the national anthem go something like: ♫ i carry a USB everywhere at all times with conair.avi on it no matter what ♫
*bleats*
at the next station the doors will open on the left hand side and somebody will canoe into the centre of the internet and begin the evacuation by convincing a family of whales to beach themselves
*unceasing bleats*
holiday idea: printer/scanner/beachball
i like you because pluto is a planet again but i don’t think pluto really cares what you call it
“i am an imperfect celestial sphere of ice and memory and awesome,” said pluto
*bleats as the goats do*
current mood: washing the back of a platypus with a tiny mop as being the highest paid job in the world, higher than any CEO
poem: you are loved
earliest childhood memory: waking to the sound of the invention of flavoured salt
brochure: printer/scanner/chicken salt
*bleats*
my oldest friend is a vending machine falling over in the tall grass
question: why do ppl always profusely apologise but never profusely pole vault?
myth busted: bob dylan is banksy
start-up idea: re-term ‘human’ and ‘humans’ as ‘non-platypus’ and ‘non-platypodes’ respectively
*weak bleats*
next stop: a salt and vinegar grease streak across your phone screen
but also across the universe
career highlight: you know you’ve made when there’s a pizza in the tree behind you
*bleats*
areas for improvement: we can’t see moths in the dark
strength: a moth’s unkillable commitment to the moon
last words: we hear their tiny moth bodies collide with kitchen appliances in the dark