by Alexandra Naughton
I miss California with a hole like opera in my septum. It reminds me of being born. Instead of leaving Mom And Dad‘s for a South African defense contractor who found rent control between startup bubbles, I wish I had fallen in love with a wannabe actor in the sexier spread. Fog looks extra alpha with palm trees. Really underlines the whole dystopian thing the city’s got going. Founders fled to Austin, anywhere they considered immune to homelessness, hiking up housing prices with a plague of spent pupae trailing behind. A splintered mess for those who can’t afford to be capricious to sweep up and make best with. Promises wince unfulfilled.
It’s a long story, but I left too. After relinquishing the stability of a $1200 three bedroom apartment at Golden Gate and Masonic. Four years with a war profiteer was enough. So I opened my arms again to Death City, brought to us by Doomed Future. Is this an art project, an advertisement for a film, or a general warning? I grew up here, home of the sheisty fashion accessory, zoo gang on instagram. It’s got that sick shine. Nobody does it better. Perception shaped my caution.
I keep my eyes peeled for 20s balled up in sidewalk cracks, splattered pigeons in alleyways, dog shit anywhere you can step. Money fame celebrity. Okay, and? They’re all phony to me. I’m tired of loudly pronouncing my underdog status anytime I walk into a room. Tired of drivers blowing through stop signs and red lights with speed of service reserved for Jason Statham movies. I should’ve been an actor. I should’ve had a plan. You’re only hot when you’re hot. And Mom And Dad wanted me to go to college because neither of them did and I am trapped in other people’s image. So now I’m a poet, writing another ode to California. My hazy skies never as blue as memory.
Alexandra Naughton is a writer, publisher, and literary events organizer based in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. She is the founder and editor-in-chief of Be About It Press, established in 2010. She is the author of a place a feeling something he said to you, a memoir novel told in second person, and poetry collections such as Rapid Transit (Black Lawrence Press, 2018), My Posey Taste Like: The Paradise Lost Edition (Bottlecap Press, 2017),You Could Never Objectify Me More Than I’ve Already Objectified Myself (Punk Hostage Press, 2015), and many more. Her first novel, American Mary, won the 2015 Mainline contest and was published in 2016. Her work is widely published around the web and in print, and she performs often. Stay up to date with her by checking out her website and subscribing to her Substack, talk about it.